I was recently talking with a parent of two about their children coming to camp this summer.  She had her own opinions about whether they should attend, however, she is leaving the final decision to each child. I shared with her my appreciation for granting them this agency.  It is a positive parenting attribute and one that can be difficult to do.

As an adult today there are many things happening around us that are seemingly out of our control. From global pandemics to extreme weather events, to everything in-between, we quickly try to counteract the chaos by grasping onto the things, and people, we feel we can control. Understandably then, we have terms like “helicopter,” “snowplow,” and “drone” parents to describe our attempts to create and manipulate a world for our children, trying to shield them from certain realities and believing we can build a path for them free of conflicts and challenges. In the end these are futile attempts and are a disservice to our children because no matter what we do as parents, at some point, we have to set them free to navigate this complicated and dynamic world.

I believe to best prepare children for future decision making, we need to gradually allow them to have more choices. With my toddlers this has looked like introducing it with specific options: “You can have cereal or eggs for breakfast,” “Do you want to play with the doll house or the Legos?” As they grow and develop these choices will expand, and so will the outcomes. Choosing what to eat or play will have different consequences than deciding whether or not to wear a coat or to stay up past bedtime. Outcomes take on even more weight later when they need to navigate a tricky social situation or make a critical decision within a relationship. All of these choices inform future decisions and the more choices they make on their own as children, the more likely they are able to understand what the best decision may be as adults.

At Brown Ledge, we have identified that 10 years old is an appropriate time to enter a world of choice in a safe environment. And whether they start then or age 15 we trust all of our campers to choose what activities they participate in and when. They have the opportunity to decide what their interests and passions are and at what level they want to pursue them. Our campers engage with the community at their pace making them curious, joyful, and more willing to try new things. And at Brown Ledge, it’s normal and reasonable to not always be successful at the start. We provide an abundance of guidance from highly competent adults without interfering in each individual’s right to choice. This creates a community of mutual respect. By giving agency to the campers, respecting their ability to make positive choices, they in turn show respect to the counselors by listening and accepting their instructions and advice.

The result of this is a child less likely to experience anxiety over choice. They develop into an independent and empowered young person with increased control of their immediate world. And eventually they become an engaged citizen more prepared to navigate a complex society. Lofty aspirations for a summer camp, yet something we’ve been doing for nearly 100 years.

– Brooks Johnson